Kitsch Frays

"Reno is between California (God’s country) and the black hole that is the rest of northern..."

Tue, 02 Dec 2008 09:58:46 -0800

“Reno is between California (God’s country) and the black hole that is the rest of northern Nevada. Reno is sort of like God’s taint.”

- Scott Adams Blog: Reno 12/02/2008

My Top 5 Artists (Week Ending 2008-11-30)

Tue, 02 Dec 2008 03:57:00 -0800

My Top 5 Artists (Week Ending 2008-11-30):

Imported from Last.fm Tumblr by JoeLaz

I kind of got rope-a-doped into going to church tonight after not attending more than a Christmas...

Sun, 30 Nov 2008 21:45:58 -0800

I kind of got rope-a-doped into going to church tonight after not attending more than a Christmas eve carol service in several years. Still definitely disenchanted. More later.

danhacker: allisonweiss: Jenny Owen Youngs - “Hot In...

Sat, 29 Nov 2008 16:38:00 -0800

danhacker:

allisonweiss:

Jenny Owen Youngs - “Hot In Herre”

Have I mentioned how much of a badass jennyowenyoungs is? Probably. Here’s the music video for her cover of Nelly’s hip hop single of the same name.

My favorite part is the blue moose head. Definitely.

1. This is awesome.

2. Those are some serious Jared Leto eyebrows.

via karion: Beyonce’s Put a Ring on It. Alaska-style. God,...

Sat, 29 Nov 2008 01:15:26 -0800

via karion:

Beyonce’s Put a Ring on It. Alaska-style. God, this election season has great residuals. The garter really sells the whole effort.

hahahahahahaha. awesome.

Doing Thanksgiving Solo

Fri, 28 Nov 2008 01:50:00 -0800

Alright, so the turkey carcass is in the garbage, my first Thanksgiving alone is officially over. Not to dwell on it too much, or whine and ask for your pity, but I learned some valuable lessons. If you find yourself faced with working friday-sunday after thanksgiving and can’t really justify the trip home to enjoy the day with your family, here are a few pitfalls you should avoid:

1. Don’t drink the night before, drink the day of. I went out wednesday night and got plowed. Partly because I knew today would be lonely, and I wanted the social interaction. But mostly, I was avoiding thanksgiving shopping. Which brings me to my next mistake:

2. Don’t do your Thanksgiving grocery shopping at 3am Thanksgiving day when you’re too drunk to remember that you can’t buy beer for the next day because it’s after 2am (that’s why you left the bar, dumbass). You won’t buy everything you need, and you’ll get that suspicious look from the cop that reminds you that it’s after 2am and you should put that beer back. And lastly,

3. Don’t cook a whole goddamn turkey for yourself. My work hands out free turkeys every thanksgiving, so I thought, “why the hell not?” Bad idea. I hate cooking enough as it is, but without anyone to witness the mess I was making of the turkey, I botched the whole turkey thing. I’ve done this all (once) before, so I know I’m able to make decent fucking turkey. Today? notsomuch. If I have to do this all again, I’m buying a turkey sandwich from the deli on Wednesday night and taking care of a sixer of Snow Cap.

Which brings us back to pitfall #1: I should’ve been fucking plowed today. Sobriety isn’t required for playing several hours of Half-Life 2 (I don’t even play video games!) or browsing for Black Friday deals whilst blasting Beyonce’s Single Ladies on repeat. Being hungover only makes things that much more dismal (also, it makes drinking very unattractive). Today’s high points: the first life-granting cup of coffee this morning, and chatting with my family on the phone/internet. Goodbye, Thanksgiving 2008, I have to work in 3 hours.

My Article On Hangovers

Thu, 27 Nov 2008 16:04:30 -0800

via frangry, by the one and only drned:

just finished this. should be going up sometime in january, but its on my blog RIGHT NOW. enjoy.

*********************

Hangovers.

Lets just get this over with.

I woke up this morning; my liver had left a note on the pillow next to me. It read “Dear Ned. Youre a fucking asshole. You put me through too much shit. Last night was the final straw. Signed, Your Liver”. This is a true story and actually happened.

So it got me thinking; whats the best cure for a fucking hangover?

MARIJUANA: Ah, the old standby. Not only does it cure everything ever (even AIDS), but it makes you act stupid. I heard a guy once say that ‘THC’ stood for ‘The Hangover Cure’ and I thought “that man is suprisingly witty”. So after a night of bourbon I decided to do nothing else but smoke pot to cure a hangover.

What followed was not so much a ‘cure’ as it was me playing Super Mario World for about three hours straight. I didn’t as much notice the symptoms were gone as i more or less had completely forgotten the symptoms, or even the fact that I was writing this very article. Infact, only after did I order thai food did I even remember that I had a hangover. It was incredible. So as a hangover cure I give this a 9 out of 10.

MORE ALCOHOL: What the fuck? What the fuck are you crazy? Drink MORE? Fuck you. No, really, me, fuck you. Fuck. You.

I decided to drink shots of vodka until my hangover cleared up. Ok: imagine the worst idea you’ve ever had, and multiply it be 1000. Now take that idea and pee on it. This whole scenario only led to an encounter with a poor Jehovah’s Witness who must have thought I was the devil himself… that poor bastard. Before I threw up in the kitchen sink I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. I looked like Jack Nicholson’s chin.
2/10

GREASY FOOD AND CHILDRENS RECORDS: The whole idea behind this is that a couple of years ago after a particularly nasty break-up I lived in a dank, dreary basement apartment across the street from a daycare (I know. Very John Wayne Gacy of me, right?). I also worked in a bar at that time too, and for a good month I’d stay up until the morning drinking with my Irish Catholic manager and then come home. Due to some unusual twist of fate my window funneled every fucking sound coming from that fucking day-care, so after maybe 4 hours of sleep I was awakened by the sounds of The Fucking Bananas In Pajamas or some other heinous shit. It was terrible. It was worse than 9/11 and Princess Diana combined.

Ultimatley I’d eat whatever was in the fridge. Because I was broke and because I’d just gotten out of a relationship with Satan Herself this usually meant either mustard or pizza. I decided to give this a shot again. I spent five hard earned dollars of my own on a used Raffi cd, and another five on a large pepperoni pizza.

After 3 slices I decided to smoke some pot; my stomach wasn’t adjusting well to the tomato sauce. I passed out; Raffi blaring on the stereo on repeat. A bad idea. 4/10

ABSOLUTELY NOTHING: This was the worst idea of all. I ended up staring out the window listening to sad bastard music. I did a lot of staring. Really fucking bad idea. 1/10

CHURCH: No, really. I know you are probably sitting there reading this thinking “Fuck you. I am not going to church”. Due to the fact that I am a brilliant journalist that is willing to try anything to get the story I came down to this on the list and decided to bite the bullet and do it. Amazingly I had a lot of fun. I was so placid and mallable that I started getting into it. Every song sounded like Coldplay - who I hate - but when you’re in a White Person Church you kind of have to go with the flow. I mean, hey, the whole thing about being hungover is hating it / yourself, and church at least made me forget about it for 3 hours. Also, there were free coffee and donuts, and afterwards there was an X-Box battle. I beat some fucking pansy 11 year old in a bad marigold sweater at Rock Band. He tried to high-five me. I refused to high five him back. What a dick. 6/10

CHURCH (ON MARIJUANA): This is the best. I smoked a TON of pot and wore my aviators the entire time, gorging myself on the free donuts. Was I even at a church? I don’t remember. It was awesome. It was epic. I think I cried at one point. I hugged somebody and meant it. I can’t even remember why. 10/10.

txgiving

Thu, 27 Nov 2008 02:49:04 -0800

words to the wise:

1. don’t try to buy thanksgiving’s ingredients while (pleasantly) intoxicated.

2. don’t attempt to buy beer for your thanksgivings celebration after 2am, while cops are in line in front of you. they frown.

gpoyw: my go-to social network picture atm

Wed, 26 Nov 2008 22:58:42 -0800

gpoyw: my go-to social network picture atm

This thanksgiving I’ll be cooking my turkey alone. I’ve been home alone 20 mins so far...

Wed, 26 Nov 2008 22:25:29 -0800

This thanksgiving I’ll be cooking my turkey alone. I’ve been home alone 20 mins so far and I just sang ‘I’m so ronery’ twice. It’s beer:30

massava: How To Do A Soccer Ball Throw-In! (via getasfstream)

Wed, 26 Nov 2008 02:13:12 -0800

massava:

How To Do A Soccer Ball Throw-In! (via getasfstream)

My Top 5 Artists (Week Ending 2008-11-23)

Sun, 23 Nov 2008 19:28:19 -0800

My Top 5 Artists (Week Ending 2008-11-23):

Imported from Last.fm Tumblr by JoeLaz

danhacker: I kind of get a tinge of vertigo when I look at...

Wed, 19 Nov 2008 11:51:20 -0800

danhacker:

I kind of get a tinge of vertigo when I look at this.

alright, tech assist? wtf are they are working on?

GPOYW: mornings.

Wed, 19 Nov 2008 11:46:24 -0800

GPOYW: mornings.

Blackberry Jim quit work today after he threw coffee at our boss & mooned him. The emotional...

Tue, 18 Nov 2008 20:35:00 -0800

Blackberry Jim quit work today after he threw coffee at our boss & mooned him. The emotional rollercoaster a friend’s suicide puts you through is nightmarish at times, but that was fucking funny.

My coworker & friend committed suicide this weekend. He was a brilliant, kind man who loved his...

Mon, 17 Nov 2008 14:30:11 -0800

My coworker & friend committed suicide this weekend. He was a brilliant, kind man who loved his kids. I’m going to miss you, Jimmy. Hell, I do already.

caseypugh: Bjork explains how a TV works! ahahahaha…...

Mon, 17 Nov 2008 11:52:38 -0800

caseypugh:

Bjork explains how a TV works!

ahahahaha… “you shouldn’t let poets lie to you”

Dear American Eagle,

Sun, 16 Nov 2008 18:28:50 -0800

Why can you not sew decent pockets? When I put my phone in my pocket, I want it in my pocket, not on the floor. Thank you,

Capt. Obvious.

daryn: In case you were wondering why I’d reblog a post about...

Sat, 15 Nov 2008 02:32:34 -0800

daryn:

In case you were wondering why I’d reblog a post about baby names…

Yep, Brooke has a baby in her.

The due date is Cinco de Mayo: ¡ole!

congrats, Daryn & Brooke!

Life Update

Wed, 12 Nov 2008 19:00:19 -0800

I’m developing a potentially serious case of the travel bug. Symptoms include:

Browsing pictures of my 3 month long ‘move’ to mexico.
Coming out of a relationship eerily similar to the one that drove me to take said trip.
The urge to read On the Road for the 15th time.
Increased appetite for living impulsively.
Becoming lazy/bored at work.

Who’s coming with me?